Shinigami. Captain. Genius. Pimp.

Kicking Quincy Ass (from Ishida's post)

Shingami Spelunking and Toxic Radiation

Conjoined Twins WTF (Kuchiki Rukia's post)

March of the Sinister Ducks (Ishida's post)

This is not my best day ever.

10th Division Captain Hitsugaya
BDSM Threat Investigation
Day 1
Report

Arrived this morning (human local time) in the area of the disturbance, but was unable to immediately confirm reports of Balance Disturbing Soul Manifestations due to an apparent infestation of rabid exotic animals, most of which appeared to be in heat and attempting to breed with the humans in the area. I was able to identify toucans, goats, at least one crocodile, and… I'm afraid my knowledge of earth animals does not extend to any species that resembles enormous purple gorillas. The purple gorillas [Matsumoto, look this up and insert the correct name before turning my report in to Commander Yamamoto and the Central 46] were the most numerous, however… and the most intent on mating with the humans. Several attempted to engage with me (they seemed to have no difficulty seeing my spirit body) – they will not be reproducing. None of these creatures seemed to show any interest in mating with each other. I expect they'll be extinct in a decade or two.

Many of the humans present had unexpectedly efficient ways of dealing with the animals – I believe something has caused humans of high spiritual power to be gathered here. Possibly the same something that is drawing (or creating?) the BDSMs.

I was able to confirm the presence of the BDSMs later in the day. They are… not Hollows, as far as I can tell. They have physical bodies – more or less (usually less) – most of them maimed and in various stages of decay. Many are literally… in pieces. They seem to be able to re-attach limbs as easily as they lose them. Which they do. Frequently.

I have deduced that they are primarily motivated by the pursuit of "brains" – whether to consume or to stuff inside their empty heads, I have not had the opportunity to observe. [But I'm going to find out by tossing them the brain of one of these humans just to shut. them. up. very soon. "BRAAAIIIINNS! BRAAAIIINSSSSS!" all goddamn day. Make sure you take this out, Matsumoto, or I'll demote you and make you do all the paperwork for it when I get back.]

It does appear, however, that the humans are engaged in fighting the BDSMs – they cut them up often but this does little to deter the creatures. A number of the humans do appear to have firearms that effectively stop the BDSMs when they are shot through the eyes. I have not yet determined the status of these creatures' souls, and whether they need to be destroyed or somehow reintegrated into human or Soul Society. But if it is reintegration someone else can damn well do it and to hell with who's inconspicuous because they're the same age as the local humans. These things are disgusting. [If you can find a way to say that diplomatically, Matsumoto, I'd appreciate it. But since you probably can't, just keep it in mind and see what you can do about getting me out of here. Remember, Vice-Captain, if I need backup, you're the first one they'll send.]

I am now going to enter a gigai and attempt to integrate myself among the humans in this "camp" and learn what they know about the creatures. [So I can get the hell out of here.]